Ultimate Faceoff
by Kate Van Helsing
Summary: Voldemort comes to Gotham to keep the Ministry off his scent. He decides that the Joker isn't all that he's cracked up to be and decides to take him out of the picture. Voldemort, we hardly knew ye...


A fight to the bitter end against the two greatest villains in current pop culture. Who shall win? CoughJokercough.

Will get gory; involves torture scene in next chapter. May or may not get too bad. I'll see how much I want to make the Volleyball suffer.

Disclaimers:

Joker belongs to DC Comics.

Voldemort belongs to J.K. Rowling.

**Ultimate Face-Off**

**Joker vs. Voldemort**

_Begin the Slaughter_

It didn't rain much in Gotham, but there was always a think cloud of noxious smog hanging over the city skyline, giving the illusion that rain was on the horizon. A feature that Voldemort, the dread inspiring Dark Lord of the wizarding world, found rather charming. He utterly deplored sunlight.

Voldemort had come to Gotham in an effort to further shield himself from the ever vigilant Potter and friends. What better place to hide than Gotham City, the most notorious oversized slum on the other side of the pond? Especially since the aftermath of turmoil caused by a hallucinogen created by a corrupt psychologist meant his movements would go largely unnoticed.

The Dark Lord had picked out a small abandoned apartment building at the East End; second only to the former Narrows for unbridled urban decay, for his headquarters. It wasn't much to look at, and he highly suspected that it had once been a brothel, but it would suffice for shelter for himself and his Death Eaters away from the Muggle filth. After all, two or twenty rounds of Scouring spells would take care of the vilest of ex-inhabitant contamination.

A small… television set is what he was sure the Muggles called it… had been left behind by the former occupants and, while he despised Muggles and anything they invented, he found it to be a rather useful tool for overseeing the goings-on of the city, particularly if there were signs of the Ministry's interference.

He didn't know if they had actually had so much as an inkling that he had left not only Great Britain but also any bit of Europe, but it didn't pay to take chances. Not after last time…

The Dark Lord had also taken to reading Muggle newspapers. His adopted city proved to be _very_ interesting. The mob here was reeling after a series of blows from the GCPD (he assumed that they were sort of like Muggle Aurors). Previously they had been almost the dictators of the city, smoothing everything over with the best lawyers the urban jungle had to offer as well as their own paid expert psychologist who got the men who left too much evidence behind an easy sentence in the asylum. Apparently, the good Dr. Crane had gone insane himself after literally getting a taste of his own medicine.

The mob had also been done in by two predominately fascinating figures known only as Batman and the Joker.

Batman had risen out of nowhere and immediately began to put the mob in its place. Eventually, the criminal underground began to fear even things that remotely resembled the sound of flapping bat's wings. His public image had taken a definite downturn, however, with allegations of murder being placed against him, including that of a beloved candidate for District Attorney named Harvey Dent.

Judging by what he'd read of Batman beforehand, it seemed too out of character for him to suddenly snap and kill people. But, who knew with Muggles?

As for the Joker…

Voldemort hadn't heard of a more depraved, psychotic, degenerate, wicked creature passing for a human being in all his soon to be immortal life. If he weren't the most powerful wizard to ever walk the face of the earth, he would be thankful that he was in a maximum security holding cell in the new Arkham Asylum, formerly the Narrows. The psychopath's true identity was still unknown, as was his exact mental condition except that he was utterly insane.

For months he had terrorized the city. First with bank robberies, mostly aimed at banks favored by the mob. Then with terrorist bombing attacks on all of Gotham. It seemed to be a war against the very fabric of society itself.

The justice obsessed Batman eventually brought down the Joker after the insane man had tried to manipulate two ferries into blowing each other up. Shortly after the Joker's apprehension, the warrant was issued for the Batman's arrest. By the vigilante's former accomplice, no less. Voldemort grinned. Ah, the beauty of irony.

Truly, this was a mesmerizing city that would provide sufficient amusement as he planned the downfall of that damn, accursed Potter and his little army of sycophants that couldn't praise him enough.

Sickening.

Reaching for the wide black wand that controlled the television set, Voldemort turned the device on and began to look for a news story that might involve the wizarding world in anyway.

When a young newswoman with far too much make up mentioned, "magic," he immediately stopped his surfing and pushed the button with the triangle on it to make the woman louder.

"_That's right folks, the old Wayne stock market magic has done it again as Gotham's resident billionaire playboy has absorbed the rapidly rising Oswald Corporation and has increased the stock value of both involved substantially. Wayne has used his own considerable gains to help fund a better security system for the new Arkham Asylum._

_The new asylum, on the site formerly known as Narrows Island, currently houses such infamous personalities as the former Dr. Jonathan Crane, and most notoriously the crazed terrorist known only as the Joker…"_

Voldemort sighed. So, it was only a story on the spoiled manwhore that had burned down his family mansion in a drunken stupor. On his own birthday, no less. Honestly, Muggles were so hopelessly stupid that Voldemort supposed he was only being merciful to them in killing them and keeping them from breeding.

Disappointed, the Dark Lord reached to turn the appliance off when the woman had a paper shoved into her face by an alarmed man. After glancing at it, her face turned an unnatural shade of gray and she gasped in terror. Voldemort was intrigued. Maybe this would be interesting. The Muggle cleared her throat and stated shakily,

"Citizens of Gotham, the Joker has just escaped from Arkham and killed five guards in the process. The Joker is at large. I've just received a notice emailed from the GCPD telling all residents to remain in their homes or wherever you are for now and not to panic. Further instructions will be given later when more information is received about this horrific incident."

Voldemort stared at the screen as, contrary to the advice they were given, the entire newsroom flew into a state of horror that he thought only he could inspire. He snorted. Pitiful fools. If it weren't for the fact that he didn't want to have the Legion of Potter Worshippers on his ass, he would march his loyal Death Eaters straight into the middle of Gotham Square and show the idiotic Muggles what terror TRULY was like!

Honestly, though. The insects were getting all worked up over a make-up wearing clown who blew up the occasional building.

Wretched vermin.

However, surely the Ministry wouldn't notice if a notorious Muggle criminal went missing. They would probably think that the local mob had finally gotten their hands on the thug.

Besides, he had nothing better to do with his time, now that Potter & Pals were out of reach.

He grinned maliciously. The "Joker" would have no idea what hit him.

* * *

Voldemort you poor, poor idiot; we hardly ye.


End file.
